Dear God,

Why?? Why give such feelings to us? It's totally unwanted. Honestly, I'd rather physical pain than the mental or emotional pain. At least those allow me to see the pain, and not just feel it.

Make me emotionless. I'll be known as Miss Heartless.

He's the cause of all my sleepless nights. Yet, I just say it's just insomnia. He's the cause of all my stress. Yet, I blame it on work and sleep.

I want to smash! I want to crash! I want something physical right now!!!!!

I know I love him. Though it's not as much as before, but I know I still do. I still hold the hope of light that things'll change and be back to when things were going fine. We've to face ups and downs, but really, how much? I can't take it anymore. Not any further.

People around me are suffering cos of this. The poor kids getting scolded from me cos of him. I thank you for giving me the opportunity to apologise to them in ways people take for granted. I love them. I don't mean harm to them. But this feeling, it's turning me into something else. Am I depress?

Please god, please give me the strength to forget about everything and move on like this was just a mistake I made and never to repeat it, ever.

Many times I've tried to give in. You know that too. But he seems to not be taking it seriously, much less very seriously. Dear god, I'm sure you know how many times he has asked me what I want. But does he even know what he wants? Do you know if both of us knows what we want? Cos I honestly don't.

Oh god, this hurts so bad. Please let this feeling go away soon and never let it return. Please.

Love,

Natasha